Some types of confidentiality and social withdrawal are common: we all have moments that do not wish to share, where we like to be alone, to lull us in our thoughts, without seeking the company of others, while doing nothing to put at the center of attention.
This is timidity ‘normal’, which represents the characteristics of personality, not an actual disease. But when the feeling of isolation becomes chronic, it eschews the social; it prevents any form of contact that is outside of your environment, timidity can be a problem.
Typically, these attitudes are born from early childhood, and that is why parents would do well to take care of their child’s shyness if you realize that this is for him/her the cause of serious hardship.
How to tell if your first child is ‘normal’ shy or if it has worrying aspects to be kept under observation? The first thing to understand is this: your child participates in activities that happen around, or just to observe? Even with a shy child faces with novel stimuli should be naturally motivated by curiosity, need to know and to discover the environment that surrounds the viewer and not always be the protagonist could be a first element to consider.
The second thing to consider: the anxiety. Is your child anxious? There seems to cause him discomfort his shyness, pain, feelings of exclusion? Or live with serenity and balance?
If it were too anxious, we should ask, we receive all the attention and care necessary? Receives the right amount of cuddling and affection to develop a self-confident personality? He has faith in people who take care of him/her? Some criticize him too aggressively? There were episodes of particular hardship, such as enuresis (bedwetting) or unprovoked outbursts of crying.
Of course, it is good to question your style of education, because in most cases, errors are committed without awareness and that there is often only understand with ‘hindsight’: usually too late.
However, not everything depends on education. Many behaviors are due to genetic causes. And the genetic causes have the dual effect of influencing the behavior of the child through genes, and at the same time expose it to behavioral patterns that then the child tends to imitate. Parents often shy ‘teach’ shyness to their children (even if they often claim that their child is not ‘shy’).
There is still a wonder: frequently asked by friends? Our house is open or has reinforced to the outside world? Often invite people to our house? Our house is often enlivened by the presence of many children? Social skills are not learned it from television or books, but other people attending.
Another tip is to avoid talking about the children in their presence, as if the children do not listen, they were curious about what a parent thinks of them. Labeling your child as ‘shy’ means to provide a license, which will use for the rest of your life … The same is true for those who speak to your child as ‘shy’: in this case, these people should be corrected by specifying the highlight features of your child, which would go as a negative label of ‘shyness’. Much better to highlight its advantages of privacy, tranquility, reflection, empathy etc.
Children should be encouraged, never branded as incapable. If you are ashamed of something, one must understand the nature of the problem and help them overcome obstacles, even those providing tools and skills that in the future will allow them to be autonomous, able to provide for themselves.
Never tease a child if you show too timid, though blushes, stammers, or proves to have a tic: the attitude of the parent figures must always be the one that encourages, supports, advises, takes note of the achievements and rewards.
Sometimes it can be useful to also show their sides ‘human’: a child tends to see the parents as being perfect and unattainable, to which you feel completely helpless and inadequate. To explain to his son that the self-confidence is not a gift of nature, but a natural evolution of the person, you could tell a few facts of his childhood and adolescence, during which both experienced an episode of fear that had caused a momentary sense of discouragement.
Also try to put your child in various sports and leisure, so that it can have many friends, very different from each other, to meet your needs.
If the symptoms of shyness were particularly alarming, you may want to consider the idea of a psychological consultation.
Give your child your goals, you make plans to share and praise him every time can reach one. Reward him if he can carry out particular tasks of socialization, such as inviting new home a school friend of the child or greet new neighbors.
Make sure your children see you often, perhaps with you in new situations, in which you yourself have some doubts: ask help, do try. This type of training could be achieved in particular in travel and visits to places unknown.
Put yourself in these cases, the condition and not to give too much importance to the so-called ‘fool’: laugh at yourself, you show you have not lost your self-esteem, even if you did something wrong. This post is worth a lot of other words.